A letter to my teenage self
Lesson One- NEGATIVE PEOPLE
I got my very first job at 13 years old. Let’s just say there was way too much estrogen in that building and there were certain colleagues of mine that weren’t my biggest fans . They would go to extreme lengths to make sure that they pointed out everything I ever did wrong to my boss, but cover for each other.
I remember one girl in particular that had it out for me from day one. Even after I quit the job the thought of her haunted me. She was more powerful than me in this workplace and she used her power to belittle me and make me feel silly. Eventually it got to the point where my stomach dropped and I felt sick every time my work alarm went off in the morning. There were mornings where I had tears is my eyes as I got dressed. I was living in fear of facing this person every day but I kept showing up because I didn’t know what else to do. The fear of changing jobs was scarier than my fear of this bully.
A LESSON FOR MY TEENAGE SELF- You should NEVER settle in a job or relationship out of fear of the unknown. It’s taken me a hell of a lot of heartache and years to realise this but I am going to tell you right now... You actually don’t have to do anything in this life that you are currently doing. In the flick of a switch you can change EVERYTHING about your current identity. Your schedule, your friends, your sport, your partner... Whatever is not working for you, BE GONE!! You have to remind yourself that you are a confident, intelligent girl boss and your boss/partner/friends need YOU not the other way around. You are in the drivers seat of your life and no one else can make you feel sad, angry, lonely or unheard if you don’t give them the power to do so. I pose this question for you... Are you more afraid of changing or nothing changing?
Lesson Two- HEARTACHE/BREAKUPS
It feels like yesterday I went through my very first breakup. I cried myself to sleep everyday for weeks because *insert boys name* randomly decided he wanted to go on a trip with his single “mates” and I thought my life was over. At the time I genuinely thought my mum was insane for patting me on the back and telling me it would all be ok. Get over it soon, are you joking? I will love this boy until the day I die and I am never going to be happy again… HAHA. Mums are always right.
A LESSON TO MY TEENAGE SELF- I want you to know that no one can ever make your world fall apart if you don’t let them. You are unique, brave and so damn special. There is only one of you in the world and one day you will meet a partner that appreciates you for you, you will not need to change any of your unique quirks. Just remember, you can take control of your emotions at any time by taking a deep breath, letting go of the past and those who treated you poorly and setting new expectations for your future. You WILL find a partner one day that will love you unconditionally, a partner who would never intentionally hurt you. I can’t tell you when that day will be but if you learn to trust in the process, focus on yourself and strive to be the happiest version of you in each and every moment he/she will come when you least expect it. (hint- they usually show up when you are having the time of your life solo).
Lesson Three - ANXIETY
Let’s talk about the first time I suffered crippling anxiety. I had just won the Miss Universe Australia competition and was putting an immense amount of pressure on myself to prepare for the International Miss Universe competition in Miami. Why? Because I knew if I won, it would change my life and give me a platform to do anything I wanted to do with my life. Not only was I striving for this huge achievement, but still trying to keep up with helping everyone around me at the same time, like I would in my usual day to day life. I started to wake up with this pain in my chest and in some moments it even felt sharp. The only time I didn’t feel anxious was when I was reading or watching a tv show that helped me to escape reality. I put SO much pressure on myself because I was so scared of humiliating myself when answering my question on a television broadcast a billion people (thats how many people watch the show) I had created this disastrous moment in my head that wasn’t even real.
Can you see the amount of stress I was putting on my nervous system, playing out a fake story that would most likely never come to fruition? When I was younger I was always someone who was fantastic at creating stories in my head of things that could go potentially wrong. My friends and family have laughed uncontrollably at some of the potential outcomes my brain has plotted..
You know what those stories are that you are making up in your head about what could happen in your future.. EXACTLY THAT just stories!!!! They aren’t even real!
A LESSON FOR MY TEENAGE SELF
Let me fill you in on what those little stories are that you are playing out in your head about what could potentially go wrong.. EXACTLY THAT just stories!!!! They aren’t even real!? You can NEVER be an expert at everything or be everything for everyone around you. Why are you working yourself up about something that hasn’t and may not ever happen? You cannot change the past and you certainly cannot control the future. Unfortunately you can't fix your mums, dads, sisters or friends lives for them, they have to want to fix things up for themselves. You SHOULD NEVER take on someone else’s pain, it is their own pain to learn a lesson from. You cannot rely on anyone for your own happiness but you can dedicate your time to learning and growing from each hardship in your life. Difficult times happen to you to teach you lessons. Once you’ve figured out the lesson, life will throw a new one at you. Keep growing and adjusting and learn to let go of old stuff. Cut ties with your past, cut chords with your ex and stop trying to be the backbone of support for you partner, mother, father or anyone else around you.
WITH LOVE FROM TEGAN
Remember that life is about the journey not the destination and not everything is going to be easy, in-fact no greatness ever came from taking the easy path.. You are INCREDIBLE and capable of absolutely anything you put your mind to. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
If one of my life lessons in particular resonated with you I would love to hear from you! Direct message my @tegan.martin instagram. I look forward to hearing from you!